My Life Substance

One of the most frequent things people tell me when they find out I have cancer (aside from “I still can’t believe this is happening to you”) is “You are one of the last people who would ever deserve this.” This has given me a lot to think about lately, because it makes me wonder that if I didn’t deserve this, what kind of person would?

When I was first diagnosed (and “came to” so to speak), my first thought was that I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Then time went on. I realized it isn’t about what I did or didn’t do to deserve this. Why? Because cancer doesn’t discriminate. It gets you, whether you’re a good person, or you’re a bad person. What does matter is how you deal with it, and handle it. I think I’ve handled it ok, with a few bumps here and there. However, I will admit that as of lately there have been some people who have crossed my mind that I think could use something like this in their life to help them change.

Now don’t mistake what I’m saying, I don’t feel these people necessarily deserve to get cancer, because it is awful and devastating. But sometimes, it takes a huge life changing event like that to really make people appreciate who they have in their life, and it could teach them to be grateful for things. It did me. I have had the best relationship with both of my parents and my brothers than I could have ever asked for before. They’ve been there for me, at my bedside, every single day. So have Heather and Cameron. While I was in ICU, they were there to just to sit at my side and hold my hand while I was in an induced coma. It re-strengthened a lot of my friendships and brought back people in my life that I missed terribly, like Kevin, Cortney, Mike, Rhonda and others. They’ve been so supportive, and in turn, I’ve learned a level of appreciation for life that I never would have imagined. Without this support, and without my amazing medical team, I can guarantee you that I would’ve died back in May.

There are some people I know that I really consider to be cruel people, people who are morally decrepit, and I think could use a nice big life change to straighten them out. Now it may not necessarily work, because sometimes there are people out there that are so bad that instead of taking an opportunity to change, they’d rather just pity themselves forever and have a chip on their shoulder for the rest of their life. A couple of these people are formerly friends of mine. So you may be asking yourself, “What is this, Heather? A bitter smear campaign? A pointing of fingers at those who have wronged you?” No. Of course it may seem that way, but it is most definitely not my intention, because I could never be more grateful than I am now for the change in life perspective cancer has given to me.

However one former friend, Julie, well that girl is certainly a piece of work. I’m not going to go into much detail about it on here, but she has done some seriously fucked up shit to me and many other people (and has admitted it to me herself). This is a girl who claimed I was like a sister to her, yet her hypocritical actions spoke (more like screamed) a lot louder than her words. Then she told me to (and I quote) “choke on my cancer and die a painful death.” When I told that to a good friend of mine, he said that he could not believe someone would say that, even out of anger. Quite frankly, she is certainly the kind of person I feel could really use a life changing “makeover” like this. It might do her some good, help her grow up and teach her how to be the kind of mom her kids deserve.

And here it comes, the one I’m sure most of you were expecting: Cody. I feel Cody has just got this horribly mean and selfish outlook on life, living only with people at arm’s length. He said from his own mouth that he like to change who he is so people don’t get to know him. How can someone get to know themselves if they keep changing? I mean, I don’t understand how a person who has people in his life that love him unconditionally, would want to push them away because he doesn’t want to care about or even respect them or their feelings. He’s done a lot of cruel things to people, broken hearts (not just mine) and is really disrespectful of others. I definitely think he could use a life changing perspective.

There’s a few other people I want to mention, but for now it’s best I wait. However I will continue soon. It’s just a matter of wording it right. I really don’t want to step on peoples’ toes, but you know, sometimes when you act like you’re a really bad person….that stuff comes back to you, and it wouldn’t hurt you to maybe feel what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes for a change. It would do some good for these people to get an understanding of compassion, and what real love and friendship are about. That there are more important things than making yourself look better, or doing anything you want without caring that it hurts other people, and having meaning relationships of any kind without destroying them with selfishness.

This will be continued.